I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
