My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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