the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
