I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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