I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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