boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
