Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
