Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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