last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
