he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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