After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
