Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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