we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
