alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
