i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
