walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
