After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
