that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pants are for mortals
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