I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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