everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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