help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
