Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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