she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
