"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm both gender and math confused
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