I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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