Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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