you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
