My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
