apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
