just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
