dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
