So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
