If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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