i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
