Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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