Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
