last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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