I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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