I will die if light touches me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
