in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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