I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
