I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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