Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
