I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
