May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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