It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
