you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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