you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
