omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The adults are the big ones right?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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