sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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